got called in to work on Saturday, but Mom was already there and had our only car. new workers were called in to replace us and they were given what would have been uor hours the next day as well. no work means no money. i had plans for it-i was going to pay for my next installment on my youth trip and i was going to take a vacation with what was left and some other money i've been saving. now i'm not able to do either and i've realized why. i don't deserve it; i don't do anything productive or helpful so i haven't earned the right to try and feel happy again. didn't have my medicine for a week, so i'm more or less back to square one again. everytime i try, it gets harder. every day is a struggle, some days are better than others but it's bad when i'm alone.