got called in to work on Saturday, but Mom was already there and had our only car. new workers were called in to replace us and they were given what would have been uor hours the next day as well. no work means no money. i had plans for it-i was going to pay for my next installment on my youth trip and i was going to take a vacation with what was left and some other money i've been saving. now i'm not able to do either and i've realized why. i don't deserve it; i don't do anything productive or helpful so i haven't earned the right to try and feel happy again. didn't have my medicine for a week, so i'm more or less back to square one again. everytime i try, it gets harder. every day is a struggle, some days are better than others but it's bad when i'm alone.

do you ever just want to be alone with someone? truly alone with them, just silent and looking into one another-trying to put together words that you've said before to no avail?

i'm slipping today, i can feel it. here is a review i wrote for the new single from Panic! at the Disco. enjoy or disagree, either way why not voice that opinion?

A review of The Ballad of Mona Lisa

When I first heard that there was in fact a new single and forthcoming album from Nevada based rockers Panic! at the Disaco I was exstatic. I had enjoyed both of their previous albums and was intrested in seeing how they would fair as a duo since splitting up for 'creative differences'. Hurriedly i went to the youtube channel of FueledbyRamen and waited the seeming eternity that it took for the video to buffer. expecting gold, i was given tin. It appears to me that the panic has now begun to die down. gone is the experimentation that cemented Pretty. Odd as one of my favorites of the year as it has been replaced with the more generic, dancified tones of I Write Sins Not Tragedies. While the steampunk meets Clue premise of the video kept me watching, the song left me watching the clock. With any luck, Vices and Virtues will not leave this same sad look upon my face. Perhaps they have regressed in hopes of preserving the former fan base, but in doing so what are they really giving us as artists?

changed the layout from Dark to Bright. maybe it will help offset the Darkness inside. It's getting better, slowly i'm singing it to sleep. Will it all be worth it in the end?

i miss being kissed by someone who means it. you know what i mean, right? those kisses that make your lips tingle with electricity before and after. the ones you wish lasted longer.

i had a dream today and it frightened me. i applied to two schools, UofM and the one that you're off to in the fall only to be denied by both and being left to wonder what to do next. i haven't had my pills in five days, i'm not sure what is going to happen next. will someone talk to me, please? i feel fine most of the time, but then something like this happens and i am unhinged again. only slightly so far, but that's all it takes. youth weekend in March, unsure of if i should go. i don't know if i could stand to see her right now.