I feel...agreeable. I'm not sure what that even means, but it's the best way I can try and describe myself right now. I have come to a realization; one that made me sick to my stomach and yet made me feel so much lighter. It's a rather simple realization, now that I think about it: I hate my life. I hate my life and I hate myself and for a time I hated the only person who really wanted to help me. I do not hate them anymore, but it was that hatred for everything else that I feel caused me to treat them as I did. What I did was unforgivable. I know that now. I have however realized why I did it. I hated so much, but the only thing I had any control over was my relationship with them. The darkness inside of me attached itself to them and it fed for ages upon my feelings for them. For a time, I felt betrayed; replaced by something I couldn't be anymore. understanding.